an old poem

All this time,
All these memories,
they sum up to become,
a heartbreaking treachery.

You grow up believing,
you grow up demanding,
unknown is the deceiving,
part of understanding.

You get your hopes up,
you are naively convinced,
your dreams will be struck,
down by the evince.

No matter how you fight,
courageous acts won’t stop time,
only memories will be by your side,
on the day that you resign

It feels so unfair,
it feels like the biggest crime,
no matter my despair,
a smile is the best I could leave behind.

I’ll always miss you

I miss being young…I mean really young.
That age when it was okay to spill a glass of milk on the dinner table. The age when I didn’t have the slightest clue of when a girl was into me, even though everything was way more obvious then. The age when highscores in various videogames were more important than girls.

Being responsible relly sucks. I feel cheated. Everything is so serious. People close to me are dying. Everything is no longer possible.

It would be easier to just leave everything behind. I think you’re supposed to do that. Just say Sayonara, Arrivaderci or Au revoir. It’s time to find a new home, and become the person you really are. It’s so hard to disappoint everyone close to you, and you’re very likely to do just that by becoming the one you are.

Right now I’m a mixture of what people expect me to be. Yeah, sure, I don’t disappoint many people but I should really buy myself some balls / cojonas and become the one I really want to be, because this is going to kill me in the end.

I can’t think of a single species that keep in touch with the ones they knew in their youth when I think of wildlife and nature. They just wake up one day and realize that home isn’t home anymore, it’s elsewhere.

I probably sound really miserable, but I’m not quite that puppet with a smiling face operated by the ones with expectations on me. I’m merely talking to myself and scaring myself by shouting out words that I’ve been too afraid to speak…all this because of that bloody Mr.Sandman that fail to show up at my apartment. If you see him, please attach some strings to him and give them to me. Let’s see how he likes me as his puppeteer.

There it is ladies and gentlemen, I managed to get the word puppeteer into my blog. It should be safe to drill through the earth now, because I think hell already froze over.

Good night! Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs fight, leave that to the people in Gaza.

leaving

my dear island

Sometimes it feels like the world is an ocean of egoism and narcissism. Sometimes I nearly drown and become a part of the ocean. But I refuse to cave in.
With my pride as my boat and my hope as my sail,
I fight the waves that want me to fail.

The reason to why I keep going is a dream of an island. The beaches were shaped out of your beauty and your wisdom is an endless jungle. The day my boat hits your harbor I will cherish you forever, and never set sail again.
Dear Ms. Island, I miss you more than ever, Mr. Sandman didn’t show tonight, but I hope you will show up in my horizon soon.

Until then, Ship Ahoy!

Wish I was there with you!

a new year, a new hope

Well boys and girls, grab your firecrackers and rockets because it’s soon time again to celebrate that another year passed, or that a new year is at our feet. Your choice.
I’m not very good at new years resolutions but if there was something I’d like to change I guess I’d like to cease the day a little bit more. I’m too lazy most of the time to grab hold of every moment. Sometimes it’s okay to just lay around all day and do nothing, but when it turns into a habit it can cost you a lot of grief in the end. I don’t want to regret that I spent most of my youth on the couch, or in bed.

If you’re picking between new years resolutions or can’t think of one, I can give you one. Listen to more good music, and try to think positive. Even though life seems hard from time to time, depression and sadness is just the result of certain chemical mixtures that tease your brain. Take comfort in a friend or someone close, you’ll make it through the bad times.

A semi-tired-melancholic 4oclocksandwich wishes you a splendid new year!

Cheerio!

relocating

Hi everybody!
So, the holidays are marching on towards us, with steps that echo with an disturbing stressing sound. The sound that sounds just like; “You havent bought any presents yet, have you?“.
Well, I have bought some presents, but I will still find myself in shops tearing my hair out in a couple of days, honestly considering whether Turtle Wax is a legit holiday gift or not. But right now I’m not going to let that spoil the joy of the x-mas cleaning I ‘m about to start. No, that wasn’t sarcasm.

You see, I got all the time in the world to clean, (not really, but a lot of extra time anyways), and right now I am accompanied by one the most beautiful female voices. This girl makes my legs turn into spaghetti. I’m of course talking about the oh so beautiful Veronica Maggio.

I rarely get stressed out anyway when the holidays are just around the corner. I guess I always find so much comfort in the picture I’ve painted in my mind. Mom cooking and baking, dad chilling out solving crosswords, my brother and I bashing each other in a random video game. I always get the feeling that everything’s gonna be alright, no matter what’s wrong in my personal life. Mom’s x-mas kitchen is my sanctuary.

Hope all of you can find comfort in something now during x-mas. have a good one everyone!

P.S. Don’t let Santa screw your mom, he might turn out to be your dad and everyone knows that parents screwing are gross.

Cheerio!!

random cleaning picture???

someone else

i feel kinda “hyper”, hence nothing in the text will be capitalized. (like i didnt have time). i can’t sing, but i’m on the verge of finishing my second song for this week. it really makes me happy. i hope my friend is reading this next line because it will make her happy. i’m coming home for the weekend!

on the other hand, i hope doug heffernan never reads this post because he’d probably go; “make sense or i’ll tackle you” cool expression.

i’m thinking about sorting out my life. don’t know if i will, but hey, at least i’m thinking about it. i was in school the other day, sorted some things out, and after the holidays i’ll try to focus on school again.

in a recent lawsuit the verdict came out out really wrong.

yesterday i had coffee with a friend 3.30 am.

underwear that’s too small can make a grown man really grumpy, but considering the fact that i sit in a feminine “my-legs-crossed” position i’d say i have no idea about tiny underwears affect on grown men. i guess that’s all…for now.

Hello world!

I’m greater than ever!
I wanted to believe, hopefully my beliefs will prove out to be true in the upcoming future. I just read something that fueled my tanks of hope full again. Even though it would seem pointless, geeky, even sad to most of you, I’m still filled with excitement and pride. I stood there even during the hard four years that were filled with uncertainty and most just abandoned hope, or forgot about everything due to lack of interest. For me it was actually more love than it was interest.
Thank you for smiling! ( I don’t care what you’re smiling about, just smile because you’re here, not queer, if you are, I don’t care… just rule your own world and feel good!)

recycle

a sentence so simple,
a sentence so hard,
sentenced my thoughts,
to spring wildly apart.

our eyebrows are raised,
when stumbling upon,
life so cute,
embodied by a furry little paw.

Yet do we miss,
to realize the truth,
that our stay here,
is as short as it is cute.

it is morbidly cruel,
but when we were born,
there started a countdown,
to the flies next respawn.

honesty

I’m afraid of obligations…I’m afraid I don’t have it in me. It’d be easy to run, to be someone else everytime you get to a new place. Eventually, your past would catch you, but then you’d just leave again. But who would you really be then? Would you be at all?

I keep letting myself down, it has come to the point where I am able to just sweep it under the rug. If I fail at something I just ignore it and wait for something to take my mind elsewhere. I think I am writing this to get the truth shouted out loud to myself.

It is not that I am lazy, I just got disappointed too many times. Whenever a friend or an acquaintance is feeling down and just wants to sit at home all day, I keep telling him/her that she/he only lives once. I am perfectly aware that I should follow my own advice, but it is kinda hard to get by on your own, don’t you think?

I’ve practically ceased to believe that I’d someday find someone to share my life with. It’s not like I didn’t have options, or that one of these options wouldn’t fit me…I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe I’ve gotten to cynical? Or depressed. I dread to say that I think I’m incapable of loving another person. There are people in my life that I love very much, but what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I can ever love anyone besides the people I love right now. I don’t let anyone that close anymore.

It is extremely sad to see my own text right now. I’m a pathetic little crybaby. Who the f*ck turned me into this sad little person?..shit,… I think I just realized an awful truth about life…I can’t believe I’ve been so blind…

ok here it goes;

Let’s assume that winning a lot of money in the lottery is a good thing, well, it wouldn’t be all that great if everyone won the lottery all the time. The world needs to be filled with people that didn’t win the lottery, that’s what makes winning so nice. And what if…
what if it is the same when it comes to love. You know, in order for love to be that great, there has to be those that can’t have it…
Cruelty and beauty just got married and I’m going to sleep.

an old feeling

I remember when I was too young,
now I am too old.
It used to be naive romantic delusions about perfectly ordinary everyday stuff.
Now it is cynical old pessimistic prejudice that rule my daily rounds.

What happened to the days that were supposed to be in between?
I guess those days only exist in the movies. I can’t remember ever having such an “in between day”.

But I can quite vividly remember the days when I was too young. The days when I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I remember planning our wedding after our first date. And the day when she came over to my place, it must have been our fourth or fifth date, and it totally blew me away that we kissed. We were in my room, I was so nervous, I shivered, I could have started an earthquake. She sat down on my bed, smiling. I tried to avoid eye contact because I felt stupid and I didn’t know where to put my hands. I sat down on the couch. When I looked up she was still smiling…she told me to sit down next to her in a way that made me realize that it was stupid or weird that I had chosen to sit on the couch. So, I moved closer to her, sat down next to her. I said something that wasn’t of the slightest importance and she moved her hand up to my cheek, turned my face towards hers, and that moment before our lips met is one of the most important moments of my life. I’ve many times tried to put that feeling into words, but I’ve failed just as many times. It really sucks to even begin to tell someone about it, because no one couldn’t possibly understand my emotions…